“Everyone is looking at me” is the first thought in my head when I walk into a store. Not because I am wearing a flashy pimp coat, not because I make a scene, but because of a mistake I made 15 years ago. So yes, that is the most conceited thing I can think of. Shame is a liar. Shame is fear of someone “finding out”. You are afraid of people knowing you, or finding out about you, or even worse, telling someone about you. That is all bullshit. The person staring at you is looking through you trying to remember how many eggs to buy. The person talking on their phone in hushed tones as you walk by is fighting with their spouse on the phone about who left the milk out. (The husband, it’s always our fault). No one is looking at you! In fact, if you are hiding yourself and letting shame win, sometimes you may even be causing yourself to look suspicious, then people are looking at you. Don’t be the corner guy..
Dan Martell says “Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.” I try to remind myself every time I see the lady looking at me or hear the hushed tones. He is so right. But also the Bible says God didnt give us a heart of fear… so why are we afraid. My favorite verse is Joshua 1 verse 9, taken out of full context is says “do not be afraid for I the Lord God have commanded you…” And yes that is out of context truly, but it still applies. God put me on this path of redemption. It gave me this heart to share my story. Here I am. Unafraid. That last part is bullshit, I am terrified. But facing it here, each post. Give the video a watch. Dont judge the face for writing or the hushed voice… there is an office right next to mine and I am ashamed. 😉
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